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Just ranting…

Its funny (not sure if funny is the right word, but it’ll do for want of a better word), how the smallest of things can bring back a rush of memories. How when you think the hurt is gone it’ll all come back. Its like it all happened just yesterday and it hurts just so much.

Had just sat down for a couple of minutes after getting ready this morning, waiting for the cab to pick me up. My CD player isn’t working so switched to radio city and they played one of my favourite songs from Silsila – Yeh kaha aagaya hum. Heard it? Its one hell of a song but has so many memories attached to it. Just listening to it brought back tears but then wasn’t able to just get up and switch it off. Finally managed that when it was over but then its left me with thoughts for the day.

Thoughts of whose fault it all was, why me, what did I do to deserve this, maybe it was for the best but the reoccuring question why me???

Got into the cab and pulled out my book to read. Reading – thats my haven from life. Am reading The Dragon Reborn – Robert Jordan, its a part of a series and something like Lord of the Rings. Anyway my next clue for the day lay there. And was then wondering how sometimes answers lie in the absurdest of places. You find them where u least expect to find them. Wonder if they will make sense to anyone else but they did to me…
“Just because fate has chosen something for you instead of you choosing it for yourself doesn’t mean it has to be bad. Even if it’s something you are sure you would never have chosen in a hundred years. Better ten days of love than years of regretting.”
They may mean nothing to anyone else but to me drowning then in my sea of misery it was a strand of straw. Saved or no, for now that is all I have.

I just life was a little easier on people. But somehow experience is what shapes your life, sometimes it hardens and builds walls. And then people wonder how you got to be so distanced, so hard, so uninvolved. I feel like telling them, hey you didn’t go through that I did, these walls help, they keep people out and hurt out too.

Ok enough of my ranting away. Am gonna stop here and get back to work. Coz thats a great way to keep busy.

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