Posts from — July 2005

The simplest things in life are the most complex. Thoughts, feelings that are so easy to decipher, so easy to understand, sometimes become so difficult sometimes. They leave you feeling lost in an ocean with no ship in sight. It feels like your drowning in the waves of life. Nothing is in your control anymore. you have no say in what will happen anymore. You are at the mercy of the tide just hoping that it will take you where you want to go.

Life feels so full sometimes and so empty at others. I wonder why we don’t have simple lives. Why we can’t do all we want, get all we want. Why does everything have to be so complex. So unworkable sometimes.

People just come and go, and you can’t stop them. Everyone says its their time to leave but who decides that, the people who leave… and why do they decide to leave, why do they decide to go away from someones life. How did they manage that? How did they manage to just get up and go, no backward glance, no nothing. How was it so easy for them to break all ties… Do they feel no pull to the peple in their lives…

Had been waiting for Teena to type out some mails before we leave from work… No clue what I wrote and what it meant… Just wanted to write and went with the flow of my thoughts…

Love, it’s a magical word, it’s a wonderful feeling, it feels romantic and mushy, it feels euphoric… some of those many things said about love, but I have always wondered, what is love? How do you define it? Is there a definition at all? Will I ever find a definition?

I haven’t found one yet but yeah have got quite a few chances of seeing Love work, each one unique, some about me and most about people around me. Each one has left me believing and searching with more vigour.

I was travelling over the weekend and considering it was travel my style it was in the unreserved compartment. Its amazing to meet people there, from across all stratas. There is so much to learn and they all seem so approachable. There is no class barrier here. Its just live and let live.

Anyway I was talking about love… I started out at about 11:45pm from Bangalore and it was about 1:00am that this couple boarded the train with a son about the age of 13. He had a fracture in his knee I think and was going to the hospital. They gave him a sheet, found him a seat and made him comfortable. The mother spread out a sheet on the ground, squeezed into the space in the alley and between the seats (you wouldn’t how what this is like if you haven’t travelled in the unreserved on an Indian train) and went to sleep. The father sat and chatted with the men for sometime.

He then lay down the little space she had left him. Was a tight squeeze but am sure he liked it. A was a delight to see him put his arm under his head and in the process gently nudge the wife, she just as naturally lifted her head and placed it on his arm Seemed like a daily ritual, so calmly done. She didn’t even bat an eyelid.

To me sitting and watching that was love. Maybe the labour class of our society, the drama unfolding in an unreserved compartment, oldish parents of a 13 year old and yet just plain simple love. All he was thinking of I guess was that she should be comfortable with whatever he would provide, she accepting that and being satisfied. Watched them for most of the night and his arm didn’t move. Positions changed but the lady had a cushion through the night.

Latest definition of love – Love is a cushion.

Over the weekend I met a lady who most people would say is unconventional. We got talking and I did an impromptu interview. Short it was but it helped me get an insight into some aspects of her life.

What makes you unconventional?

Nothing really. Am just like any other woman, I feel joy, hurt, love, pain and all of those emotions. I have troubles and problems too. Unconventional is just a word that people created for want of another. Society has a certain picture of how a man or woman should be and if you step out of that picture – just don’t blend in – you’re called unconventional. Its just how you wanna live life – on society’s terms or your own.

What about love?

I’ve had my share of relationships. It’s a joy to have someone to run to, someone to take care of you, to hold you, to listen and share it all.
For an unconventional woman, men can be classified into two kinds – one thinks your great. They admire the fact that your different, that you dare to be that way. But your not wife material.
The other thinks you’re a challenge. A challenge to see if you’ll fit back into the picture. They either lose interest when you do or give up and move on.
But its never about you just being you.
I have a lot of friends who are men, but that’s it, no further.

What’s life like being single in your late twenties?

My life’s great even though its lonely sometimes.
A couple of years back my friends were still unmarried, we had lots of fun together. Today they’re married, they have lives of their own and hardly any time to do the things we once did. They’ve moved on, though we still keep in touch and I baby sit sometimes.
My life is now all about work and all the things I wanna do.
I go home to an empty house yet its home to me. Sometime back I thought of keeping pets but then gave up the idea, I’m and up and go person, I love to travel and pets are a commitment. I travel, go out, do what I feel like and don’t have to think of anyone else’s schedule. I like that, that’s freedom to be to me.
Yeah I feel lonely sometimes, I wish I had a family of my own too but that’s the price I’ve paid to live my life on my own terms.

Have decided that there seem to be too many enteries on this blog so have decided to create another blog for all my write-ups. Going where the wind blows… will from here on be just about Me, Freya and The Musafir. All write-up’s will be posted on

Musafir ki Kaahaniya…
http://faakira.blogspot.com/

Check it out…
Latest Musangudi Trip is put up there.

Spent the last week deciding whether to go or not to go, was like that eternal question of – to be or not to be…

Ok now to tell you where is was to go or not to go. My team at work was going to Masinagudi for the weekend and I had an exam on Sunday. Spent the beginning of the week convincing myself that I wasn’t missing anything and the exam was top priority. Then we started warming up for the weekend on Wednesday.

After half a bottle of beer and half an hour of convincing by Pallavi, priorities changed. Exam would come again in 3 months however team outing would not happen again for almost a year and even then some people may have moved on to other pastures.

So now it was decided that I was going to Masinagudi. The rest of the two days at work were spent listening to people letting me how let down they were. How I had no will power etc… All bullshit I say!!! Pardy anytime…

Thursday was Adrian’s B’day Pardy and just before I entered the bar told my mother about going to the trip. What she had to say almost had me going back home but then priorities are priorities and so told her to sleep on the idea and I would do the same. We would then discuss it the next day.

After a lot of drinking ideas came and it was not as difficult as I thought to convince my mother.

Friday night saw me have some Glenfiddich and no sleep. Left home at 4:30am on Saturday.

The plan was to remain buzzed over the weekend. But don’t know what happened
Over the weekend just had two mugs of beer. Forget buzzed wasn’t even high. But still had fun so what if I didn’t drink enough

If you wanna know all I did in Masinagudi… watch this space…