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Aimless Wanderer…

Just feeling a little low today and writing helps so will just rattle away I guess. None of all thats follow may make sense. Just wondering where I have come from and where am going. Ever read The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. Am just wondering about those roads today. Those options I had in life to walk different roads and I did take the road less travelled. It was fun and still is, but does it have to be filled with hardships, emotional rollercoasters. Couldn’t the ordeals have been a little lighter.
Yeah I know I may have got a better deal then a lot of other people but that don’t make my cross lighter.
I don’t think I ever asked too much of life. Some happiness, a sprinkling of smiles, topped with love, packed in warmth. Just the usual. Actually somehow life always dealt the unexpected, learnt early that expectations lead to heart break, actually didn’t learn. Still break my heart over small things.
But where am I headed from here… no idea… plans keep changing. Always thought I would settle down at some point, get married, have kids, do those typical things – set out days cloths for hubbly, tie the tie, wait for him to return, have chai ready, listen to him crib about work and boss… somehow all these little things felt so nice.
Dreamt of being pampered, loved to no end, little surprises, being swept of my feel with hugs and kisses, unexpected appearances, close dances, moonlit walks, movies together, silly hidden messages, secret whispers, saying it all and yet saying nothing, the joys of a new life, every whim fulfilled when the little ones on the way… So many dreams.
But the maybe am not that type. All of this is not for me. Am meant for other things. Its not for me to belong anywhere. I must leave and go on in body and mind, if for nothing else then to just answer that eternal question, Who and Why am I? Ever heard the closing lines of Mona Lisa Smile – “I’ve heard her called a quitter for leaving and aimless wanderer. But not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond traditions, beyond definition, beyond the image.”

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