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Promiscuous v/s Slut

*** Strong opinions expressed here on. If your not the kind to tolerate opinions stop here, go no further. If not read on and enjoi… Any offence taken is your problem not mine ;) ***

The Hindu yesterday talked about virginity and pre-marital sex. The journalist wrote about the recent hype about it all when a celebrity spoke about it. A celebrity speaking about such topics is taboo but we common people can (a point made by the journalist) and so am gonna do just that.

Virginity – is not Dignity… It is just lack of Opportunity. :). We said this in college but in India is it true? India, a country where your virginity is meant only for that man you marry. There is so much stress laid on this. Girls while growing up are restricted from playing games considered rough, no stretching too much, no riding boy’s cycles etc all to protect the hymen. I’ve heard of castes and families where the bed is checked after the first night when you get married for traces of blood and if not found then there are dire consequences. Over heard boys discuss to end about how you would check if the women is a virgin.

Its scientifically proven that the hymen can break with out real physical exertion. It could be a fall or injury. Its also proven that the hymen breaking may not produce blood immediately or it may be so negligible that it wouldn’t stain. Or the man just didn’t manage to break it (didn’t do a good job of it, I’d say :D). So what does all this mean?
Does it mean the woman is not a virgin?

What is virginity? Is it a state of purity (someone please define pure?)? Is it a gift you give that one man? Is it just a membrane? Is it a state of mind and body? Or is it something created by men to curb freedom of women?

Virginity belongs to women and if its yours then isn’t it your right to decided what you wanna do about it. So its for me to decide whether to save it or give it away. Actually, its not something to give. Virginity is not then just the hymen. Its about your mind, the way you think, the way you feel. If your not a virgin does that mean your not a nice person?

And then follows the taboo topic of sex. Hmmm… physical needs are the same for men and women so then why can’t a woman be sexually active? Why is a sexually active man called promiscuous? And a sexually active woman a slut?

To think about it women most often (leaving out exceptions) would have sex with a man they feel something for (and the feeling is not lust). To women sex is an intimate part of a relationship. Women would move into a sexually intimate mode at a later stage of a relationship. Women are unlikely to just sleep around. For men on the other hand the feeling most often is lust. To men the number of women they have ‘had’ (I personally feel slept with is a better word) is an achievement. They can’t wait to lose their virginity and anyone (as long as she’s of the female species) would do. The ones that follow the first are a learning experience. Soon they lose count too. And yet women are called sluts?

Ok, truthfully the above paragraph might have been a bit strong but I do feel passionately about it. Isn’t it two-faced to sleep around yourself but expect to get married to a virgin ? Don’t the rights apply equally to both sexes? Agreed that the risks are higher for women but then women know about protection too. So why should the fun be only for men?
Hmmm maybe that’s not my question… All I wanna know is why the difference between the way you view a man and a woman?

Maybe it’s about rights or respect, even self-respect… It’s about respecting others rights and choices. And finally respecting your own choices. Not sure, its something I’ve thought about for sometime and the answer is not satisfactory yet. Wonder what it actually is…

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