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So Long Buddha, Run Free My Child

The Buddha Welcome #BuddhaTheWise

Buddha – The Wise One
11 Sept. 2004 – 22 Dec. 2015

Che and I decided early in our relationship not to have babies but like a lot of other parents we landed up with an unplanned baby. Unplanned she may have been but she was never unwanted, and we enjoyed her so much, we had 5 more in 5 years. Yep, we’re really bad at family planning. 😉

Two nights ago I lost my first born, my oldest son. Words seem inadequate to describe what I am feeling. There is a blankness, a numbness, an emptiness that is yet to set-in that I know will leave behind a void never to be filled.

Buddha came into our lives late in his and our lives, he was 6 then. I still remember that day when Che looked at me with puppy-eyes and asked if we could bring home another dog. I remember telling him that I’d first like to see the dog.

So, Che whisked me off to Windward Kennels to get me to meet the dog he was already in love with; to convince me to take him home. I still remember my first impression of Buddha – a timid dog who took time to warm up to strangers, a guy who rather be left alone than be in the thick of things and yet so beautiful both inside and out.

Buddha The Quiet One #BuddhaTheWise

I thought he would be easy, a cake walk for me that would also be an excellent calming influence on the two young nut-cracks we had. I was proven so wrong!

As the months rolled by Buddha transformed, he still retained his quiet introspective self but he also started to display a boisterous self who joined in the games, the play, the charges to the door and the barking howling matches.

He came into his own and stopped backing off, he started to take dogs head-on. Clear about what he wanted, what he liked and disliked, he now didn’t hesitate to put the dogs in their place. And as the months rolled by I fell in love with him, more and then some more.

Buddha was a dog no one who met him would forget. He made an impression, an impression all his own, an imprint unique to just him. But he had his quirks – he was terrified of crackers and loud noises, had a dislike for too much excitement, pee’d slow and long, and had a mouth so foul-smelling that you’d never forget a kiss from him, that is if you hadn’t died of the aroma. 😀

A couple of years ago when he had been diagnosed with an enlarged heart and arthritis, I started to worry but Buddha’s love for life made the problems look like they didn’t exist. He fought his way through it all with help from various people who loved him and stayed active right up to the end.

On The Road to Recovery #BuddhaTheWise

When his heart started to act up a couple of weeks ago, he valiantly held on while I fretted. He loved his walks and demanded them, and I, had to give in and take him in spite of my misgivings. On his last day, he walked well, ate heartily, showered me with time and attention and refused to leave my side.

And when he went, he went just as quietly as he had come in 5 years ago. A gentle presence by my side that slipped away before I knew it. He gave us 5 glorious years that we will relive forever. He was Buddha, through and though, aptly named for he had learned all the secrets of the universe and he held them all in himself.

I lost a son two nights ago, my oldest, the first born and I will never be whole again. I’m not a mother of human babies and I don’t know the pain of losing a child but what I do know is that words aren’t enough to describe my grief, no balm is soothing enough for this chasm I have in my heart, no amount of tears can wash away this pain I am feeling.

You will be missed Buddha and yet I know you will always be with me, as that little hole in my heart that will be filled again only when we are reunited. Run free my child, I hope you get your very own hammock up there. xxx

 

That should have been the end of this monologue but there are people I must thank for him and his life before I close. Preeti – a big thank you for sharing Buddha with us, Devisri – for kicking me into getting his diet right, Dr. Pavan, Dr. Ramesh, Dr. Ajitesh & Dr. Girish at Cessna Lifeline and Dr. Shiv Prasad his homeopathy doctor with the magic sugar pills – for keeping him medically healthy, and the brat pack for keeping him happy. Special thanks to Anithra, Chaitanya and Mom & Nanisaheb for being there always, even at the end and for his first toast.

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  • While I am sorry that Buddha had to leave us, I’m a little relieved that he didn’t have to endure much pain in the process. Like you say, the void he leaves behind will likely be a void forever. May his soul rest in peace!

    Stay strong Freya. The other kids need you.

  • Thank you Kannan :)

  • LM

    I lost my wire haired dachshund baby last week. He was going to turn nine in April. They bring so much peace into our lives, in that quiet and strong way. I had read this blog post several times earlier in the years before, now feeling compelled to share my thoughts. They are so powerful, these little fellows. I also live on hoping that I will be reunited with him eventually and that he is happy, free, and bounding with his floppy ears through sunny, green meadows and being a boss.

  • Many hugs LM <3 Losing a dog is tough.
    Do you have other dogs? Was he an only child? :)