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Just like that…

Just feeling so low today. Writing helps me with feeling better so thought would just write. Most of what will follow will not make sense. Wonder if its even worth reading.

Somehow seems like am lost in this melee of life. Just so lost. Have a job that people would call good, but would I say the same? To me work is something I enjoy and am happy with but lately am not happy. Its no more about the work but the money and that to me is not satisfying. Somehow feel empty. I used to love what I did so why the sudden change? Or is it sudden? What is it that leaves me unhappy about what am doing? Should I look for something else that I enjoy? Something am happy doing? These and many more questions are plagueing my mind.

I used to love my work. I guess back then I was recognised for it too. Somewhere along the way I have just become another worker and no more someone who makes a difference. I do my work as and when am told to but its all not inspiring anymore. Have worked here for 3+ years now and am quite senior in experience but I don’t figure anywhere in core discussions or decisions. People who have far less experience do that now. Yeah it maybe a bit of ego but is that all it is? Yeah I know that some of it is my fault but is it always about the way you are or does even how you work count. Does your being good at what you do count? I guess its just that I feel left out and lonely or is it just that?

Another job is a possiblility but then is it so easy to move? Will I be happy there and for how long? How do I choose what I want? What about money? There is so much that goes into it.

Am wondering if am even leading a life worth living. Feel as if I have done all I wanted to and now its time to leave. There is nothing am looking forward to. Sometimes I wish there was someone I could completely lean on, rely on. Just be able to say I don’t wanna work anymore so am gonna sit at home. But thats not possible. It just feels so lonely sometimes. Ever felt lonely in a crowd of people you know? Thats the feeling. Feel so lost and alone.

Ok enough of this rambling of a crazy mind… or is it crazy?

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