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Posts from — July 2005

Cluelessly lost…

The simplest things in life are the most complex. Thoughts, feelings that are so easy to decipher, so easy to understand, sometimes become so difficult sometimes. They leave you feeling lost in an ocean with no ship in sight. It feels like your drowning in the waves of life. Nothing is in your control anymore. you have no say in what will happen anymore. You are at the mercy of the tide just hoping that it will take you where you want to go.

Life feels so full sometimes and so empty at others. I wonder why we don’t have simple lives. Why we can’t do all we want, get all we want. Why does everything have to be so complex. So unworkable sometimes.

People just come and go, and you can’t stop them. Everyone says its their time to leave but who decides that, the people who leave… and why do they decide to leave, why do they decide to go away from someones life. How did they manage that? How did they manage to just get up and go, no backward glance, no nothing. How was it so easy for them to break all ties… Do they feel no pull to the peple in their lives…

Had been waiting for Teena to type out some mails before we leave from work… No clue what I wrote and what it meant… Just wanted to write and went with the flow of my thoughts…

July 28, 2005   No Comments

Unreserved love…

Love, it’s a magical word, it’s a wonderful feeling, it feels romantic and mushy, it feels euphoric… some of those many things said about love, but I have always wondered, what is love? How do you define it? Is there a definition at all? Will I ever find a definition?

I haven’t found one yet but yeah have got quite a few chances of seeing Love work, each one unique, some about me and most about people around me. Each one has left me believing and searching with more vigour.

I was travelling over the weekend and considering it was travel my style it was in the unreserved compartment. Its amazing to meet people there, from across all stratas. There is so much to learn and they all seem so approachable. There is no class barrier here. Its just live and let live.

Anyway I was talking about love… I started out at about 11:45pm from Bangalore and it was about 1:00am that this couple boarded the train with a son about the age of 13. He had a fracture in his knee I think and was going to the hospital. They gave him a sheet, found him a seat and made him comfortable. The mother spread out a sheet on the ground, squeezed into the space in the alley and between the seats (you wouldn’t how what this is like if you haven’t travelled in the unreserved on an Indian train) and went to sleep. The father sat and chatted with the men for sometime.

He then lay down the little space she had left him. Was a tight squeeze but am sure he liked it. A was a delight to see him put his arm under his head and in the process gently nudge the wife, she just as naturally lifted her head and placed it on his arm Seemed like a daily ritual, so calmly done. She didn’t even bat an eyelid.

To me sitting and watching that was love. Maybe the labour class of our society, the drama unfolding in an unreserved compartment, oldish parents of a 13 year old and yet just plain simple love. All he was thinking of I guess was that she should be comfortable with whatever he would provide, she accepting that and being satisfied. Watched them for most of the night and his arm didn’t move. Positions changed but the lady had a cushion through the night.

Latest definition of love – Love is a cushion. 😉

July 25, 2005   No Comments

The Fate of an Unconventional Woman…

Over the weekend I met a lady who most people would say is unconventional. We got talking and I did an impromptu interview. Short it was but it helped me get an insight into some aspects of her life.

What makes you unconventional?

Nothing really. Am just like any other woman, I feel joy, hurt, love, pain and all of those emotions. I have troubles and problems too. Unconventional is just a word that people created for want of another. Society has a certain picture of how a man or woman should be and if you step out of that picture – just don’t blend in – you’re called unconventional. Its just how you wanna live life – on society’s terms or your own.

What about love?

I’ve had my share of relationships. It’s a joy to have someone to run to, someone to take care of you, to hold you, to listen and share it all.
For an unconventional woman, men can be classified into two kinds – one thinks your great. They admire the fact that your different, that you dare to be that way. But your not wife material.
The other thinks you’re a challenge. A challenge to see if you’ll fit back into the picture. They either lose interest when you do or give up and move on.
But its never about you just being you.
I have a lot of friends who are men, but that’s it, no further.

What’s life like being single in your late twenties?

My life’s great even though its lonely sometimes.
A couple of years back my friends were still unmarried, we had lots of fun together. Today they’re married, they have lives of their own and hardly any time to do the things we once did. They’ve moved on, though we still keep in touch and I baby sit sometimes.
My life is now all about work and all the things I wanna do.
I go home to an empty house yet its home to me. Sometime back I thought of keeping pets but then gave up the idea, I’m and up and go person, I love to travel and pets are a commitment. I travel, go out, do what I feel like and don’t have to think of anyone else’s schedule. I like that, that’s freedom to be to me.
Yeah I feel lonely sometimes, I wish I had a family of my own too but that’s the price I’ve paid to live my life on my own terms.

July 10, 2005   No Comments

New Blog…

Have decided that there seem to be too many enteries on this blog so have decided to create another blog for all my write-ups. Going where the wind blows… will from here on be just about Me, Freya and The Musafir. All write-up’s will be posted on

Musafir ki Kaahaniya…

Check it out…
Latest Musangudi Trip is put up there.

July 6, 2005   No Comments

To go or not to go…

Spent the last week deciding whether to go or not to go, was like that eternal question of – to be or not to be…

Ok now to tell you where is was to go or not to go. My team at work was going to Masinagudi for the weekend and I had an exam on Sunday. Spent the beginning of the week convincing myself that I wasn’t missing anything and the exam was top priority. Then we started warming up for the weekend on Wednesday.

After half a bottle of beer and half an hour of convincing by Pallavi, priorities changed. Exam would come again in 3 months however team outing would not happen again for almost a year and even then some people may have moved on to other pastures.

So now it was decided that I was going to Masinagudi. The rest of the two days at work were spent listening to people letting me how let down they were. How I had no will power etc… All bullshit I say!!! Pardy anytime…

Thursday was Adrian’s B’day Pardy and just before I entered the bar told my mother about going to the trip. What she had to say almost had me going back home but then priorities are priorities and so told her to sleep on the idea and I would do the same. We would then discuss it the next day.

After a lot of drinking ideas came and it was not as difficult as I thought to convince my mother.

Friday night saw me have some Glenfiddich and no sleep. Left home at 4:30am on Saturday.

The plan was to remain buzzed over the weekend. But don’t know what happened 🙁
Over the weekend just had two mugs of beer. Forget buzzed wasn’t even high. But still had fun so what if I didn’t drink enough 🙁

If you wanna know all I did in Masinagudi… watch this space…

July 4, 2005   No Comments

L&D Team Outing 2-3 July 2005

2-3 July 2005
L&D Team Outing
Jungle Retreat – Masinagudi

Nagendra, Adith, Deepa, Pallavi, Raymond, Subroto, me, Sunita, Parvathi, Drusilla, Sudipta and Nisha (and Ethan).

Friday saw me reaching home at 8:30pm after finishing with things I had to do in town. Was tired but sleep evaded me so thought would have some scotch and watch a movie. Scotch led to hunger, so made some Maggi and sat down to eat.

Still no sleep however, now was feeling sick. Had a throbbing headache, the start of a migraine. Took a pill and sat down with the movie again. Only to run to the loo, as I had to throw-up. Finally after watching two movies slept at 2:30am to wake up at 3:30am.

Got picked up at 4:30am to go to re-group point at Symphony. Reached there feeling feverish with swollen face and puffy eyes. Had chai and a smoke and felt a little better. Subs had to go back to pick up the cameras as he had forgotten them at home.

We left at 6:30am as soon as Subs returned. Headed out towards Mysore via Kanakpura. Everyone making a lot of noise on the way. The girls started to sings tunes of old ads on TV. Picked up Nagendra at Banashankari. Stopped at S N Upahara for a breakfast of tutta idli and tea/coffee. Took some snaps there also saw this tail of a Malabar Squirrel hanging from the roof.

We headed out again with a lot of singing. Was still feeling sick so went to sleep on the last seat at the back of the bus. Slept for sometime and woke up feeling better. We stopped just after Mysore to pick up beer, was hungry again by then (had to make up for dinner you see). Had three bananas and some murkus.

We headed out again and not started to make goodtime in the bus as the roads were good. The beer was finished before we hit the check post. Must have had 3/4 of a pint. Saw some deer and black faced langur in Bandipur. Subs got some good shots of a deer who wasn’t worried about the bus at all.

At the Tamil Nadu border the border police guy said we would have to pay Rs.500 extra to him so we went to the next check post some 10km away to pay there and then came back. Lost about 1/2 an hour there. Came back and took the Masinagudi turn. Reach Jungle Retreat at about 3pm.

We quickly went to our dorm to dump our bags and freshen up before lunch. Some beer and lunch later it was time to jump into the pool. We took off to change and get to the pool. By the time we girls got there the men were in already. Must have been in there for about 1/2 an hour (in which Pallavi almost drowned me) before the cold set in. Ear drums started hurting and we got out and sat watching all the other women play in the water.

Headed back from the pool about 5:30pm as we had a presentation at 6:30pm. The presentation started with an ingeniously made projector screen of towels. Nagendra, Adith, Pallavi, Ray and Subs took us through some presentations. Felicitation also happened for all the work done by the team. All this was wrapped up with champagne.

We all then headed for dinner. The first drink was on Deepa as she was new in the team. My only mug of beer on the trip. It was decided that Subs, Ray, Paro and me would go trekking in the morning so we headed back to the dorm to sleep.

Woke up at 5:45am to get ready for the trek. Was a little chilly in the morning. Saw Deer just outside out dorm. Had some biscuits and coffee and started out for the trail with Sidda our guide at 6:35am. First thing we saw as we looked to the mountains was a rainbow. Took some snaps and started out.

Sidda said there were elephants in the area so he was leading, with us stopping and following every now and then. We found a cottage and Sidda said we would wait on the roof for the elephants to pass by. Climbed up to the roof using bamboo, only to realize there was a ladder on the other side. Sidda went to check on the elephant. He came back to say this wasn’t a good time to see it. It was a tusker and not behaving like an elephant at all. Was throwing mud on himself and howling like a dog. So we got down and started to skirt around the area to avoid it. All that happened was we stumbled into his herd. Got some snaps and realized that we couldn’t continue this way so we had to go back the way we came and try another route. So back to the cottage we went.

At the cottage Sidda asked us to wait while he checked out the area. While waiting Paro and I moved away from the guys to take some snaps. From where we were we had a clear view of Sidda arguing with a family with two kids in their arms to go back because of the elephant only to be told by an elderly guy that he didn’t know what he was talking about and he a landowner there knew what he was doing. He told Sidda to shut-up and mind his own business. Poor Sidda was trying to get him to see reason. Only to be told that a complaint will be made about him. Sidda was so upset about that for a long time. While all this was going on Paro and I saw an elephant come to check out what the noise was all about some bushes away from the group, then turn around and go back.

The guys and Sidda came to join us then; neither of them had seen the elephant. We decided to move away and go up into the mountains. It was about 8am then. On the way we saw elephant footprints (Subs arm from fingers to elbow fit into it) and the left overs of their meal.

Saw Sloth Bear droppings. Its black berry season so that’s what they eat the most right now. Most of the droppings comprised of seeds. Saw 3 Grey Horn Bills. Sidda said there are only 15 to be found in Madhumalai forest. Three sounded like a great number.

Soon reached a height from where we could see the Kerala and Karnataka border. Could see Bandipur, Wyanad and Madhumalai distinctly. With a lot of huffing and puffing, lots of thoughts of quitting I finally reached the top. Sidda was the only one who didn’t feel the climb followed by Ray. Subs was out of breath due to his wheezing and so was I for other reasons. Midway realized I was quite fit even after smoking for 5 years now.

We sat at the top for sometime listening to Sidda’s stories about some of his treks. I was busy lensing the landscape and my unaware companions. We left to return at about 10am.

On the way back we saw a Barking Deer that took off before I could focus my camera. Saw Black faced langur, a Malabar Squirrel and bright yellow and orange birds. Was focusing on the orange bird but somehow managed to get the yellow. By the time I had clicked they interchanged places.

Took snaps of where we had been on the way back as we climbed down. Seemed quite a height once we reached the resort. On the way down also saw a stream filled with bright yellow mangoes. What a color that was.

We reached the resort at 11am with Subs tripping over a barbed wire nearby.

Quickly grabbed breakfast as we were really hungry. Had two omlettes, an idli, 2 vadas, a toast with black berry jam and washed it all down with coffee.

Next destination was the pool again as it was nice and warm. Changed and got there before the guys this time. Stayed in the pool till about 12:30pm. Its a joy to just float around feeling the weightlessness and gazing at the mountains and the sky. Played a bit and had races with Pallavi. Watched over Ray and Pals. Swam a couple of laps too.

Headed back to the dorm to bathe and change. We then headed back for lunch. I took off though to take some snaps before that. Walked around taking snaps till I got to the pool. There used to be a tree house the last time we were there. Was in bad shape now but the thought of an aerial view of the pool got me (a person with a phobia of edges and ledges) up there. Got some good shots while precariously kneeling on bamboo that creaked with the wind.

Headed back for lunch and a fresh lime juice. We left Jungle Retreat at about 3pm. Everyone was tired and soon all were asleep. I decided to sleep once we crossed Bandipur as we might get to see more animals. So Paro and I sat on the lookout. It did pay off; we saw Black Faced langur, two Peahens, a Tamed tusker and a baby elephant with her mother near the lodge.

Smsed a friend who was going for an interview to wish luck as soon as we had coverage. After which Paro and I must have slept for about twenty minutes before we hit a bump that had us flying thrice into the air. That was the end of sleep for me. The rest of the bus woke up too. The rest of the return trip was spent singing and laughing. We stopped at Channaputna for coffee.

Reached Bangalore at about 9pm. We all headed back home. Subs and I took an auto. reached home to find Rupal finally given in to hunger. Freshened up and sat to eat too, after which all that mattered was sleep.

A good trip though my only complaint was didn’t drink enough… 2 mugs… just 2 mugs of beer. Why you may ask… had planned to remain buzzed but too many things happened before I got there and some people were worried about me drinking too much. So didn’t dink… 🙁

But thats ok, enjoyed the everything else… from pool to trek, food to songs… simply super…

The snaps…

July 2, 2005   No Comments